Them Ol' Whiskey Blues
by R.M.Weiss
Summary: In which Naruto is a wandering cowboy and Sasuke is a barmaid. Warnings: Western, m/m, yaoi, Naruto/Sasuke, satire of the 'old west'


This is a pilot chapter of a story that was written a long time ago during a moment of lapsed maturity. If it does well I may continue it. Then again I'm more liable to finish my other two stories before picking this one up again.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I make no profit from this story.**

As a side note, if anyone finds that this breaks some sort of rule (I'm stuck in the stone age when let us use lyrics and such…) please tell me and I'll take this story down immediately. One story isn't worth being suspended over…

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**_Them Ol' Whiskey Blues_**

I reckon my story ain't a purtty one. It ain't one o' those 'cowboy and injun' ones where the cowboy kills the injun and rides off into the sunset. Ya see, I'm a drifter. I ain't got no fixed home and I ain't lookin' for none either. This story happened about three years ago. It was mighty hot an' my horse was gettin' tir'd. I had just rolled in to some town in the middle of nowhere an' was lookin' for a' good stiff drink.

I asked around and got pointed at this lit'le ol' saloon right in the center of town. It was all quiet in there. Ain't no livin' soul 'sides me and the bartender. Creepy guy with fuzzy eyebrows the size of caterpillars. I ain't ever seen 'em that big before.

So I set down at the bar and I ordered some o' that there whiskey I know they keep in the back. The good stuff, ya know? The kind that comes all the way from Mexico. But that ain't my point. Anyhow, it was mighty still and all for the longest time. Bein' the respectable man I was I took my time. Ain't no use rushin' good whiskey.

Well what do you know, the second the high-noon bell rings in comes a guy. Funny lookin' feller with grey hair and one o' his eyes covered. He sets down at a table an' with in seconds there comes another guy you'd ha' swear was the pap of the bartender. Big tall guy, he was. Big brows like the bartender, but he was wearin' some kind o' funky ranch hand getup.

Purtty soon the whole saloon was filled up after that secon' feller came in. I was reckonin' I should git goin' when the first feller with grey hair let out a big ol' whoop and slammed his hand down on the table where he was playing cards with some ol' guy with a wart on his nose and some other feller so old even his wrinkles had wrinkles.

Well that done and set off the other cowboys in the place and purtty darn soon they was all tryin' to out-bet each other in cards while from out of nowhere gals jus' started pourin' in.

There was tall gals, small gals, thin gals, fat gals, any kind o' gals just comin' in. They was all done up nice and purtty. Red cheeks, red lips, curly hair, straight hair, bows an' ribbons an' such. They was all squeezed in to their big frilly dresses and stockings. Dunno how them women folk git into those things, they gots such small waists and all.

The ol' man with the wart on his nose was droolin' somethin' awful when he saw them gals comin' round. He copped a few feels and got slapped twice for it. He especially was chasin' after this one gal. She had gold eyes and purple eye shadow stuffs goin' almos' down to the middle of her nose.

Was a real looker, that gal. Older, but still a looker. She didn't talk much though. They said 'er name was Oro. Lady kinda reminded me of this feller I met earlier in the day named Orochimaru, he was jus' a farm hand though. I doubt he'd be related to a classy gal like this Oro. But they did look awfully similar. Them same gold eyes an' all. Same hair too.

Anyways, she may have been purtty, that gal with the eye shadow, but I tell ya…ain't no gal on earth purttier than the gal I saw come in after everyone else. She had the palest skin I ever did see, pink lips the color of roses, an' ebony hair that was all pinned back and such. She was such a classy dame, I couldn' take my eyes off 'er. She wore this blue dress with a slit up one side, you know? Flashed a lil' thigh every now an' then and boy did it drive me wild.

I must have watched her fer hours. The bartender was mighty nice about keepin' my glass full. I stayed until closin' time. Jus' couldn't keep my eyes off that gal. I finally worked up enough nerve to come up to her at the end of the night.

If I thought she was purtty before, she was damn well breath takin' when I got a look at 'er up close. Her eyes were jus' starin' right into my soul when I looked into them. I asked 'er what 'er name was. Had to ask her twice 'cause she ignored me the firs' time and turned 'er head away so she could watch the poker game goin' on. The second time she gave me this lil' grimace of sorts, like she was toleratin' me instead o' listenin' to me 'cause she was interested.

She said 'er name was Sasu. I told 'er it was a purtty name and fit 'er just right. She didn't seem to like that very much and tried to walk away. I didn't want to see 'er go though. I reckon' I 'ad gone crazy 'cause in a second I 'ad grabbed her wrist and told 'er to wait. Didn't have time to react when she swung right around and punched me in the face. I was shocked, I ain't ever not been able to dodge a punch. Blame it on me not expectin' it.

She left then. Didn't even say 'goodbye'. I think that made me smitten with her all the more. Here I was, jus' a simple cowboy passin' through, fallin' head over heels for a gal with an attitude that could make any respectable man not wanna roll in the hay for a long time. She was cold as ice that lady.

But damn…

She sure was purtty.

TBC?

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Keep in mind this chapter is short because it is a pilot chapter. Also, the style of writing will change if continued. I simply chose to open the story from Naruto's point of view in the vernacular.


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